Over the years I've learned a few things about entertaining, and the most important is this: your guests will remember how you made them feel far longer than they'll remember what you served.

People often tell me, "I'm just not good at entertaining," but I don't believe that's true. If you can make people feel welcome, you're already a good hostess.

I've also learned that fancy is almost never better. I make sure the house and garden are clean and tidy, but I stop there. I don't worry about elaborate decorations or trying to create a magazine-perfect setting. I keep the menu simple, the drinks uncomplicated, and if I decide to make one special dish, everything else is easy. I do as much as I can ahead of time, and when friends ask, "What can I bring?" I happily say yes.

A relaxed hostess creates relaxed guests. No one enjoys watching someone rush around apologizing because everything isn't perfect.

If choosing napkins to match the flowers in your garden makes you happy, by all means do it—I certainly do! But if that sounds like one more thing on an already long list, skip it without a second thought. Your guests won't remember whether the napkins matched the zinnias. They'll remember the laughter, the conversation, and how welcome they felt around your table.

So if you've been thinking about inviting friends over but keep talking yourself out of it, consider this your little nudge. Pick a simple menu, set the table, ask everyone to bring a dish if that makes it easier, and open your door.

                   

Ok! Let's pick this party apart!

The gathering was for our monthly dinner group, which I've mentioned here many times before. We take turns hosting, choosing a theme, and preparing the main course. The host then asks everyone else to sign up to bring the side dishes. My menu was an Americanized version of Korean bo ssam—slow-cooked pulled pork served in crisp lettuce cups with spicy sauces, rice, and fresh vegetables. I made the pork and a simple chopped cucumber and tomato salad to spoon over the pork, bought the sauces, then asked for volunteers to bring rice, potato salad, coleslaw, an appetizer, and dessert. Read this post to find out how to set up your own dinner club.

One of the things I love most about this group is how easygoing it is. It's a potluck and if you're short on time, you're welcome to pick something up at the store. If you feel like spending the afternoon cooking a favorite recipe, that's wonderful too. No one keeps score—we're simply happy to gather around the table and enjoy whatever appears on the buffet.  That's the same relaxed philosophy I try to bring to every party I host.

I like to think I'm a low-stress hostess, although if you watched me the week before this summer party, you might question that! The days leading up to an outdoor gathering are my excuse to give the backyard a thorough sprucing up. Every weed is pulled, flowers are deadheaded and trimmed, windows are washed, and the patio furniture and cushions get a good cleaning. It's a busy week, but I tell myself that all the effort pays off because we get to enjoy a tidy backyard for weeks afterward. 

The food is designed to be just the opposite of all that preparation—easy. Bo ssam is a perfect summer party recipe. Easy to make, easy to serve, plus it's delicious and economical. I made the pork the day before so all it needed was about an hour in the oven to reheat while everyone gathered for happy hour. The cucumber and tomato salad was also made a day ahead so the flavors had time to mingle. Whenever I see a recipe labeled, "make ahead", I save it! Lastly, I stocked the refrigerator with chilled wine and a few mixers.

I also pulled out all the serving dishes and wine glasses and ran everything through the dishwasher. They hadn't been used in a few months, and I like them to sparkle. Then I gathered my linens and decided on a color scheme. I almost always let the garden make that decision for me. In mid-July the zinnias and nasturtiums were putting on the biggest show, so shades of yellow, orange, coral, and pink became the colors of the evening—and helped me choose which napkins to use.

On the morning of the party, I cut flowers and arranged them outside beside the wheelbarrow so I could tidy up as I worked. The tables were set on the patio, the buffet was arranged indoors, and a few hours before everyone arrived I washed and separated the lettuce leaves for the wraps. An hour before guests arrived, we set up the outside bar, slid the pork into the oven, and everything was ready for a leisurely evening with friends.